journey through gypsy girl's life...

Thought Lately....

2006-10-03T22:58:00.000-07:00

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

TRUST ME

2006-08-18T05:40:00.000-07:00

Looking for something I've never seen

Alone and I'm in between

The place that I'm from and the place that I'm in

A city I never been

I found a friend or should I say a foe

Said there's a few things you should know

We don't want you to see we come and we go

Here today, gone tomorrow

We're only taking turns

Holding this world It's how it's always been

When you're older you will understand

If I say who I know it just goes to show

You need me less than I need you

Take it from me we don't give sympathy

You can trust me trust nobody

But I said you and me we don't have honesty

The things we don't want to speak I'll try to get out but

I never will Traffic is perfectly still

We're only taking turns

Holding this world It's how it's always been

When you're older you will understand

And then again maybe you don't

And then again maybe you won't

When you're older you might understand

Landslide...

2006-08-01T00:12:00.000-07:00

I took my love, I took it down

Climbed a mountain and I turned around

And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills

Til the landslide brought me down...

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?

Can the child within my heart rise above?

Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?

Can I handle the seasons of my life...

Well, I've been afraid of changing

'Cause I've built my life around you...

Oh, but time makes you bolder

even children get older and I'm getting older, too

Well, I've been afraid of changing

'cause I've built my life around you

But time makes you bolder even children get older

and I'm getting older, too

yes, I'm getting older, too...

So take my love, take it down

Climb a mountain and turn around

And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills

Well the landslide will bring it down

And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills

Well the landslide will bring it down

The landslide brought me down...

Light Years Away...

2006-07-09T22:50:00.000-07:00

It's almost like you had it planned
It's like you smiled and shook my hand and said
"Hey, I'm about to screw you over, big time
" And what was I supposed to do?
I was stuck in between you and a hard place
We won't talk about the hard place

But I don't blame you anymore
That's too much pain to store
It left me half dead
Inside my head
And boy, looking back I see
I'm not the girl I used to be
When I lost my mind
It saved my life

It's how you wanted it to be
It's like you played a joke on me
And I lost a friend In the end
And I think that I cried for days
But now that seems light years away
And I'm never going back
To who I was

Cause I don't blame you anymore
That's too much pain to store
It left me half dead
Inside my head
And boy, looking back I see
I'm not the girl I used to be
When I lost my mind
It saved my life

I think that I cried for days
But now that seems light years away
And I'm never going back
To who I was
Cause I don't blame you anymore
That's too much pain to store
It left me half dead
Inside my head
And boy, looking back I see
I'm not the girl I used to be
When I lost my mind
It saved my life

That life seems like light years away
Light years away
And that life seems like light years away
Light years away...

Finding Its End...

2006-07-04T04:47:00.000-07:00

And I thought my story was almost over. I sat again in silence for a time and found myself contemplating. "Should I stay or should I go? I couldn't decide, it was so difficult. There are some hurts that I can ignore, but some pains just don't wash out easily. I guess that when I invest a huge part of myself into something or someone, it almost begins to seem as though some part of them belongs to me even though I know realistically that I belong only to myself. Sometimes, all I get to do is care for something or someone and then eventually have to let go...
Searching for the answers, I paused for a moment. I began to wonder why I bothered in the first place.I am pushed back again into this crucial stage when I feel that somebody has hurt me deeply. Will I let my pain hang on to my heart where it will eat away my joy or will I use the miracle of forgiving to heal the hurt that I didn't deserve?

I often hurt most when I feel the pain of the people I love and care about. Sometimes I deny the pain I really feel to help me get through another day. It just hurts too much to acknowledge it. Sometimes it scares me.

I've learned that when I invest myself in deep personal relationships, I open my soul to the wounds of another's disloyalty or betrayal. But what I don't always recognize is that I'm never left empty handed.I can hold on to the satisfaction and pride that comes from knowing that I've participated in someone’s growth or healing, that I have made a difference in their lives...
Am I really ready to take my first step inside my healing heart? I know I'll have to pull my mind away from the person who I need to forgive. I don't know what will happen to the forgiven wrong doer. I only look at myself....the wounded forgiver.

My soul has been yearning to perform a spiritual surgery...cutting away the wrong that was done to me so I can see through that person's eyes. I know can heal my soul with that. I would want to detach from that person, from the hurt and let it go.
I would want to invite that person back into my mind, fresh as a piece of history, between I had been re-written, its grip on my memory broken. I would want to reverse the seemingly irreversible flow of pain within me.

As I am about to forgive the people who hurt me, I gradually can see the deeper truth about them. A truth that my pain has blinded me from, a truth that I know I can now see because I'm slowly separating them from what they did to me.

I'm slowly healing my memories. I don't wanna live in make-believe. I slowly see the truth again. For the truth about those who have hurt me is that they're weak, needy and fallible. They are needy and weak before and after they've hurt me.

I know forgiving can be real even if I have to close my doors with the person who has hurt me. I need not deny myself the healing of incomplete forgiving. I can forgive and be free in my own memories. But I choose not to. That is not the real me. But then, I cannot rush to forgive someone who just left me to suffer the cuts he/she sliced into my life.

So, where do I go from here? Where do I draw the line? How long before I get in and before I begin? How long before I decide, before I know what it really feels inside.

I'll need to try so I can know. The chance I get is the chance I seize...

The good I have to lose, the happiness I have to gain. It's when I'm ready to give up something can I promise a beautiful forever...

I'm Amost There....

2006-06-28T02:44:00.000-07:00

So...I'm finally almost out of that hole! After so long, my sleepless nights and "mons always lost" days are almost over. I've been workin' on myself lately. It takes me a while to get myself back together but I know that I will reach that point when everyone who had hurt me and taken me forgranted won't matter. I'm almost there, wait and see...

And so, the usual Monica Louise. I have to have a new look. It helps me feel good and reminds me of my worth. Something I've learned from one of my best friends, Shaira. A make-over! I've decided to go through one again last month. I think I do this every 6 months! Haha! But it's cool, I feel much better....physically, mentally, and...emotionally, almost there! I dyed my hair jet black and I'm now wearing blue contacts! I pretty much got back into shape since I have more time now to dance and go to the gym. It's a fresh start again....

Recent Picture: Funny, I somehow am reminded of Esmeralda (Hunchback of Notre Damne). I think I have a picture of her with the same look.

What's new? Well, I'm done with school! I'm glad that I finished college on time and despite that my parents aren't here, I made them proud. Being able to be Dean's Lister and at the same time a varsity player for the school's women's football team was quite tough. Lost a lot of weight and time for myself then coz there was heavy training everyday! Waking up 4AM everyday for 3 straight years and running for 5 hours wasn't easy. Discipline and hard work was needed. Of course, dedication is part of it. I'm proud of myself....I was able to balance my school and my extra-curicular activities (A BUNCH OF 'EM!).

So, here I am on vacation. taking my sweet time before I start working. I don't plan to take a long break though! I don't like not doing anything. Hehe! In the meantime, I am busy doing freelance work, bellydancing, and surfing! I miss wakeboarding though, and all the memories I have with that place! Mahn........... I know I'll be back there soon!

So, I guess I'll be blogging quite often now since I actually have time to... Not unless I'm not in the mood! Hehe.... A lot has happened and a lot has changed in my life. Both good and bad. I'm taking it all in as God's blessings. I believe, it has molded me on becoming much of a better person. I'm not saying that I'm not, actually I already am but I can say I'm much stronger now. I'm finding myself back...the "MONS" that I really am...HAPPY-GO-LUCKY-PERSON! No more drama's this time! The time that I was in pain, I've realized that if others can't seem to appreciate who I am and know my worth in their life, then it's not my problem to deal with anymore. One thing's for sure though, it will hit them someday and will think of me.

It's been so long, I hope my mom will be able to come home this month! It's been almost 2 years since I last saw her. Miss her....Wanna hug her and feel that I belong somewhere in this world! Anyways, runnin' out of things to say........Hmm.....I smell food, till my next post! God bless!

GONE SURFING!

2006-06-21T01:29:00.000-07:00

"Such a carefree trip, paying up one time was worth it, no hassle arranging transpo, lodging, and boards, just get in and enjoy the ride. Joe Villatora was an awesome coach, native of Kauai in Hawaii! Half Fil half Hawaiian, this guy totally rocked and shared the stoke! :) got sponsored by Quiksilver and Roxy rashguards and beautiful Dick Brewer longboards too!!! With Joe was another Surf affectionado Rick who took a lot of good & beautiful shots in the water with us (to follow!).
What a weekend! The stoke is awesome as usual, always different from the last but never better, they all are the best! Joined the camp with a sense of anxiety as the swell forcasts were not too good -- FLAT daw! but thank god we were blessed with some breakin' waves!"

More sNaPsHoT Surfing Pics:

2006-06-21T00:25:00.000-07:00

2006-06-21T00:22:00.000-07:00

This shot was taken for Stonemoneysurf =) Lovin' it! Back to this habbit again! Can't wait for the surf season to begin! Wohoo! December Competition, here I go! =p

2006-06-21T00:20:00.000-07:00

Slippin' Away...

2006-06-08T00:51:00.000-07:00

I'm on my knees confessing,

I have been blind, unwilling to see.

I have ignored every blessing.

I feel myself surrender...

I feel my heart is turning, falling into place.

For so long nothing could move me.

For so long nothing could change me.

Now I feel myself surrender...

See my Reflection...

2006-06-02T01:18:00.000-07:00

I found myself infront of the pc this afternoon. was just gonna email work but i ended up multiplying and blogging. its been a while since the last time i actually took time to write here. im done with school so i'm hardly infront of the computer nowadays plus im busy attending to my hobbies and freelance work.

the church play just ended last saturday, may 27. that's what kept me busy the whole summer. practice then i had to work on their souvenir program and other collaterals. it was all good though. it helped me get my mind off things and it somehow made it lighter for me. i got closer to God and to the youth as well. i think it was a good blessing for me. God works in mysterious ways. it's really true, if you cant understand his plan for you, trust his heart....that's what i did and i think that the reason why i got involved into this play was because he wanted me to get closer to him so that he could help me with my burdens. the people in the youth helped me heal some open wounds. i somehow thank them coz it made things lighter for me even if they don't know it. they helped remind me of my worth and most importantly, they saw something in me that made me feel special whenever im witht them. was very touched. i've been taken for granted a couple of times, mostly by people i least expected. it was very painful yet i opened my heart to forgiveness and understanding. no one's perfect anyways, so whether or not it was their intention to hurt me, i've learned to just offer it up to God and accept them with open arms. I know forgiving is the hardest thing to do but come to think of it, if that person meant a lot to you, forgiving is the next step to making things better...only if you allow it to...whatever decisions you make, it's a reflection of who you really are....

so, anyways, enough enough...too much things to say but i cant seem to put my thoughts together...ive been busy practicing for my dance recital this june. yep, another baila recital...kinda tough training since ive got a week to learn 6 dances...hehe...but its all good! i love dancing anyways..but its just har dnow coz im always LOST! my mind is just always wandering around....kinda sucks but im learning to deal with it. so anways, that's about it. This week was confusing for me since i had so much things in mind. Had so many freelance work to finish, had practice everyday (felt battered!), then i had my job interview in GMA 7, which was a funny experience for me (the mrt n lrt ride was funny!)... tiring week, physically, mentally n emotionally but im glad that despite all these, i know i did something good for myself and for some people. i opened my heart to forgiveness and i can say that after all that ive been through, im much stronger now...

there are things that are still questioned, have so many things in mind...trying to seek answers and understanding them but i cant seem to...so 'll let it be though it hurts, but i know and i trust God...he always answers prayers...just gotta be patient and trust his heart....(*to be continued)

Angels or Devils

2006-06-01T02:12:00.000-07:00

this is the last time...
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time -
I will fall into a place that fails us all -
insideI can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time
the angels they burn inside for us...
are we ever are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold
this is the last time that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear -
to see still I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time
the angels they burn inside for us are we ever are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of usare we ever gonna come back down -
come around I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us
if I was to give in - give it up- and then
take a breath - make it deepcause it might be the last one you getbe the last one that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

Come Breathe Me....

2006-05-23T01:14:00.000-07:00

I'm so sick and tired
of all these things
that drag me down
I've got no where to go
they say that life
is in these hands
you give everything
you give yourself away you give
and still you choke
and find yourself running for the door
come and take me
home
lead me to your door
take me where you are
lead me to your door
at least just for a while
its some kind of life
forever days
we're in the cold
unfamiliar way
so take this fear
and fade it out
it won't make me sad
cause I get sentimental lord
in other ways
and I don't want to let me down here anymore
so come and take me home
lead me to your door
take me where you are
lead me to your door
and let me in
just let me in
and let me leave
just let me leave this world
come on now let me leave this world
at least just for a while....

ETC & JACK TV'S BORACAY SUMMER SHINDIG

2006-05-19T06:45:00.000-07:00

We had a Bellydance Event in Boracay last April28. The show was for ETC and JACK TV's SUMMER SHINDIG. I left Manila with Ross and Yen on the 27th. We decided to take advantage of our free trip so we left a day earlier. I traveled alone though. ROss and Yen took the 6am flight while i took the 33opm. It took forever to leave the airport so by the time i got to Bora, it was night life. Familiar faces as usual. Almost everyone from alabang was there, most esp at the white beach but it was all good. First night was steady, people watching, talking and dancing. On the 2nd day, Kat and tin followed so we were complete na. We spent the whole morning eating, and eating and eating, them practice for the show till it was time. Call time was at 5pm but we performed like 9ish. Took forever for JAck TV to finish their games and so ETC got delayed wuth theirs. So anyways, after the show, we headed back to our rooms to change then went back to avail of our free dinner and open bar. SOooooo what happened?! hahaha well, whatever happened stays within our group. hahaha! that fuck you Archie drink is hell! i've never tasted such shitty drink man! tatsed like rubbing alcohol with hot sauce and gas...eew! no wonder who ever straights that gets so wasted...i shoud know...hahahaha! american swiss yeow!

The rest of our stay there was practically eat, tann, talk, and make fools out of ourselves. I had a blast! (sorry, im getting lazy to make kwento here in my blog! hehe) The only thing that sucked was that Lala wasnt able to go! Would have been more laugh trip! neways, gotta bounce! I posted some pics below...

2006-05-19T06:44:00.000-07:00

with yen and ross, right before our call time....

2006-05-19T06:41:00.000-07:00

The snake charmers of Bora. Yep, this is the group! Bellydancers of Manila. Pinp Lala missing coz she's pregnant! SO here we are, smiling again and again..but also getting ready to take advantage of the Open Bar in Juice Bar. Right after our show, we headed straight to our table which was right beside the bar. A night to remember, thanks to Archie and Abi( Event Manager of ETC)...we all went home wasted..hahaha =p

2006-05-19T06:35:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite pics...out of the 500+ pictures taken during the trip. That's me and yen! haha while watching the sunset infront of the white beach..due to excessive heat and drinks...and salt water, and aryn and raf and ross..haha....panalo pic!

to view the SUMMER SHINDIG ALBUM: www.naughtymons.multiply.com

PUERTO GALERA TRIP

2006-05-19T06:15:00.000-07:00

I went to Galera with my sister Joey, my brother in law Mic, my niece, michael and my lola. We spent Black Saturday and Easter Sunday there. The trip was fun. Lotsa people though but of course, beach is BEACH and at least i was with my family so it made it all worth it. I also bumped into Isa. Yes, after 2 months of not seeing her since she lives in Makati, we had to see each other there. funny! the beach setting again. Good and crazy conversations with her as well made my trip fun. Not to mention seeing med people drunk at night. Haha! That's what happens when the patients are away...the doctors PLAY! haha. I just enjoyed watching them drink, and cracking med jokes again and again. anyways, so much to say but gotta cut it short! peace! =)

2006-05-19T06:04:00.000-07:00

mini mons and still mini me! haha. me and my niece bea. got our braids done right when we got to galera! hehe..

2006-05-19T06:01:00.000-07:00

22 years later, me and my twin brother. still do not lool like twins. only resemblances we have are our expressive eyes and perky asses. haha..of course, talent wise, we're both athletes, but he's a PRO in football and i'm not. hehe....we both could sing. but he cant dance for *&#@ hahaha... love him like anything!

A Bellydancer's Achievement

2006-04-20T12:23:00.000-07:00

At last! I'm finally done with my thesis. Im finally done with school! After all those sleepless nights editing, the endless critizations i received from the panelists with my film, i made it! I got a 100% for my final grade in my thesis! "SHIMMY" Bellydance for Pregnant Women. It's no joke to work alone on Thesis, most especially when you're a Multimedia Artists. from the topic proposals, scriptwriting, storyboards, shooting, editing, revising and the defenses....IM DONE! Wohoo! Of course, before i left La Salle, I had to make sure that i left a mark for everyone to remember me...and i did! the big performance we did at the school's open court..the overwhelming feeling of almost everyone watching and cheering for me...it made all my efforts worth it. To those who helped and inpired me, thank you so much! I very much appreciate it. Getting a 4.0 for my final thesis grade is the best feeling ever! As Sir Elvert says..."ley's go GO go SHIMMY!"

The One That Got Away

2006-04-19T05:27:00.000-07:00

Let me share to you something that my best friend wrote. Something to think about. Something that could possibly hit you right in there. It did on me...Something to ponder on...

In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you
shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's
the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your
virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with...and
the one that got away.
Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person with whom
everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just
wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the
chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose.
I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime
partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually
argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with
the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down
and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy
romance.
How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When
you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who
you're
with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials
become dealbreakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's
not that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just that it's not
yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.
Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll
be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most
perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have
burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It'll work
because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make
sense, it really will.
So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you
find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your
approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want,
and
you've become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you,
there's no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single but
you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three
kids, it doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some
reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.
You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here
today?" You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and
not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is. The biggest "What
if?" you'll have in your life.
If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that
got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your
marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're
mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and
this
is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your
marriage when you get past it. Sure, you'll think about him/her every so
often, but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have
been," but it happens.
Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which
case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your
memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your
lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing.
But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do
if it's not yet too late? Simple...find him, find her. Because the very
existence of a "one that got away" means that you'll always wonder, what
if you got that one?
Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if
you've dropped in from out of nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might
be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one
that got away." You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won't make a
difference. If
the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and
you know, I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able
to say to someone, "Hey you, you're the one that almost got away."

My Philosophy in Life

2006-04-12T08:03:00.000-07:00

Love Myself.

I am beautiful the way I am.
Smile throught the ups and downs of my life.
Stop seeing the negative and let the positive outweigh it.
Happiness will flow from within and I will continue glowing.
Not everyone will see and exert effort to see my worth.
Embrace my flaws, it defines my uniqueness.
Welcome all that come into my life with open arms and an open heart.
Learn to forgive, for I make mistakes as well.
Only a few who deserve to see my worth will have the eyes and heart to experience and see it.
Live every second and enjoy the wonders of life..

I'll be fine.
All will be well...

PIKSYUNARYO EXHIBIT

2006-04-07T12:17:00.000-07:00

Last March 24-26, 2006 was our Exhibit in Eastwood. 3 days of Exhibition of Artworks by the 19 talented Multimedia Artists. We focused mainly on GRAPHICS & PHOTOGRAPHY. It drained me out like anything. Imagine, for 3 days we had to stay in Eastwood from 12PM-12AM. Staring at each others faces and artworks, eating and talking and eating again... Haaay! Thank goodness its done. We did great! We were ale to attract people which now gave us clients. I can't believe someone was actually interested on buying my palm tree picture frame. haha! funny yet weird.

This picture posted was during our last day of exhibition. See, our shirts were really tight that i had to cut mine so i could breathe! i was getting choked on my neck! Thanks to vanessa for fixing my shirts! haha! laugh trip! Neways, the other pictures of our exhibit are posted in my multiply account. I think there were more than 300 pictures taken! ...now guess who's a camwhore! hahaha! ....peace! =p

Just to Complete my Night...

2006-04-02T05:42:00.000-07:00

I just had to get this right? hahaha! I couldn't help it! The "reserved" sign on oour table in Ponti during Tina's Exhibit. haha! Must be the blue drink punx asked me try. haha. I'm forever gonna remember this night. The night Isabella dragged with her all over Makati. Killed my feet! I couldn't help me, i don't go out as much. By 2am i asked John to take me to isa's house first. The bed and pillows were calling me already! haha...Anyways, the Night was good. Of course, its a 100% sure that whenever it's girls night out, it's always worth the traveling.Till next time girls!

2006-03-31T09:29:00.000-08:00

TICAO ISLAND, BICOL TRIP:

We had a field trip in Ticao Island last March 4-6... 14 hours inside the freezing bus and an hour of boat ride. Yes, what a tiring trip! 80 photographers in one bus and one big boat! Wohoo! The island was great. It's just new so there's really nothing to do but enjoy the calmness and the view of the sea. In the morning we had to shoot but I ended up modeling for most of them. Haha! At night, usual beach life is done. Bumming around, listening to music, karaoke, drinking and playing cards. I think Isa and I had too much of card games and karaoke. The pictures will prove it. Hahaha!

Reflections of a Gypsy Girl...

2006-03-23T00:17:00.000-08:00

So many things are on my mind right now. I dont exactly know what I feel but there's this emptiness that i'm starting to feel again.It's funny yet annoying that despite my busy schedule, my emotions and thoughts still haunt me from within...most especially when I am alone.
If only my pillows could talk....it would have said a lot of stories that no one knows except me and God.
There are questions that I continuously seek for answers. My faith in God is what's giving me hope. Keeping me from not giving up nor letting go. I have my faith, that's what's getting me goin'....I know my worth yet I still get involved with people who doesn't seem to appreciate me.
I have been taken for granted a lot of times by people I least expected. I'm suppose to be angry but why is there no hatred nor anger found within my soul?! I can't help but question myself why despite the way I am treated, i still am the nice little girl that everyone sees smiling and laughing around with her friends....am i making sense now?! i just going with the flow of thoughts in my mind....
hmmmm...
I know God loves me and will give me what i asked for. He will answer my prayers. I just have to continuosly b be patient and always be the better person.
The tears & joys of life is what thrills me. I honestly don't mind the pain. I know that in the end, whatever pain i may have gotten myself into, i know it'll be worth it.
God is right beside me, he's teaching me lessons and with these lessons, i know that I will benefit from it in the end. He will answer my prayers. He loves me, I know it!...
Right now, i yearn for the love of my family... My parents most especially. It's been 2 years since they last visited. I miss my dad's hugs, him bullying me and making me feel pretty.
I miss my mom's voice...I miss waking up because of my mom's voice that echoes all over the house.
I miss fighting and bullying with my little sisters dixie & kasey...(okay, why am i tearing now as i write these)...BREATHE MONS! BREATHE! it's different when they're right beside you. most especially when you feel like your world isn't going your way...
When people hurt you...it's your family that you turn to no matter what, they're the only sure thing you've got and you know that no matter what, won't leave you. haayayay! hahaha..im being an emo...well, we all have our days...
maybe kathy's right, I am a jewel that's waiting to be discovered. A gift waiting to be unwrapped. That i long to be hugged and appreciated. Im tired of being taken for granted. That deep inside my eyes, the smiles and hugs i give to everyone around me, is yet a little girl's heart wanting to be healed and be given importance. My eyes speak. If you look through it with sincerity, it tells a lot. Within it, you'll see that there's more than just a gypsy girl wandering around, seeking the thrills of life...
i'll get through this,
i know i will...
just wait and see...

From an Angel....

2006-03-14T04:22:00.000-08:00

"i see in you a treasure...
shining through your eyes are jewels in the rough....
waiting to be found.
i've lived my life like a gypsy once...
and gypsies back in their independence, they don't latch on to any place or anyone...
but they live their lives as if they do...
and that's what sets them free...
i think gypsies hold a lot of power that people underestimate.
they hold a sense of regality in their bearing
and that's it's borne from not being afraid to just live.
my dear monica,
if i, a practical stranger to you...
can see all that...
and people closer in your life can't...
then...it's not your fault... -kathy ponce"

thank you for this message. i didn't expect it. Such a sweet and honest one. I'm touched that though we don't really know each other that deep yet, you know and could read me and appreciate my worth. Your post made my day. I know that there's a reason why we met and why on the first day that we actually hung out, you gave me that book which I love and is helping me=) thank you, thank you! love you dear!=)

Bad Habit

2006-03-12T23:28:00.000-08:00

How many times, are you gonna apologize about the same thing.
And how many times will you shut me out when I'm not the one that's doin' wrong.
I thought maybe if I started prayin' that things would get better, but when I would pray the answer would always come back to me bein' done.
I told myself that I would make some changes
But the more I change there's one thing that remains the same
I can't seem to shake you, you seem to really have a hold on me
This can't go on now, I gotta move on now It's not the fact that I don't care for you no more
But I gotta break this bad habit, Can't take his bad habit no more.
I'm totally out of my element, learnin' new ways to live, while your in a comfort zone.
Not even thinkin, (you couldn't think about me) to call.
I've takin all I could take but the way I live has gotta change....

No Te Olvidare

2006-03-09T03:59:00.000-08:00

no te olvidare, solo pienso en ti
jamÃ¡s comprenderÃ como te perdÃ
y aunque el tiempo ya paso
desde que todo termino aun no se que sucediÃ³
yo sÃ que no te olvidare, ni guardo rencor
a ti renunciare, sin explicaciÃ³n
puedo fingir cuando te veo que no te extraÃto y no te quiero
y aunque jama me veas llorando, mi corazÃn te sigue amando
por eso no te olvidare a pesar que sufrÃ
no me arrepentirÃ porque de ti aprendi
que a veces el amor no es lo que esperas

hay que salvarlo como puedas
y si no hay otra solucion
pues es mejor decir adios
quizÃ¡s encuentras alguien en tu vida
y te enamoras algÃn dÃa
y si ese amor al fin te olvida
y necesitas de una amiga recuerda no te olvidare, te espero aquÃ
si a mi quieres volver, yo te harÃ feliz
tambiÃn puedo fingir cuando te veo
que no te extraÃto y no te quiero
y aunque jamÃ¡s me veas llorando,
mi corazan te sigue amando
a veces el amor no es lo que esperas
hay que salvarlo como puedas
y si no hay otra solucion
pues es mejor decir adios time...

Thoughts....

2006-03-02T01:35:00.000-08:00

I'm in the ML4 lab now...killing time...have an hour break! hmm...im leaving tonight for Bicol. Photoshoot in Ticao Island. Excited! As usual, getaway from my stressful citylife....im excited! need a break from school....

WHAT'S ON MY MIND RIGHT NOW???
1. Thesis internal defense next thursday..haven't finished my collaterals!!!
2. Bellydance gig on the 8th & 11th...wonder how im gonna practice with all my workload
3. website constructions....i wonder how i'll finish everything by next week...
4. i miss wakeboarding!
5. i want my laptop!
6. i haven't excercised in 3 months!!!! so out of shape! thanks to school! argh!
7. i miss my family
8. some people will always be selfish..
9. i miss dancing
10. i wanna lose weight!
11. Yey! Bora Gig on d 28th of April! all for free...
12. I wanna heal the wounds
13. im graduating!!!
14. i wanna work for pic company! i love pictures
15. i gotta run to class now!

im leaving for Bicol tonight at 10pm...i'll be back sunday midnight, so monday early morning na...hopefully it'll be a great trip! i'll be with my partnahncrime. hoping God will soon answer my prayers....ciao!

LET IT GO

2006-02-20T00:47:00.000-08:00

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attatched to you. I mean hang up the phone.
When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is NEVER tied to anybody that left. For had they been for us, no doubt they would have continued with us. People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. LET THEM GO.
And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person; it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over. The gift of goodbye is knowing thatwhatever is meant for you wasn't there and when it's the right time you'll get what you need. ..

If something takes too much sweat you don't need it. Stop begging people to stay! Let them go!! If you are holding onto something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for you life, then you need to ...LET IT GO!
If you are holding onto past hurts and pains...LET IT GO!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth....LET IT GO!
If someone has angered you....you being angry isn't going to change the situation...LET IT GO!
If you are holding onto some thoughts of evil and revenge will it really reverse what happened to you?....LET IT GO!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction...LET IT GO! I
f you are holding onto a job that no longer meets your needs or talents....LET IT GO!
If you have a bad attitude....LET IT GO!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better....LET IT GO!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship, being swallowed by misery won't help you heal.....LET IT GO!
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves, LET IT GO!

Let the past be the past. 'Life is the future, not the past. The past can teach us, through experience, how to accomplish things in the future, comfort us with cherished memories, and provide the foundation of what has already been accomplished. But only the future holds life.
To live in the past is to embrace what is dead. To live life to its fullest, each day must be created anew. As rational, thinking beings, we must use our intellect, not a blind devotion to what has come before, to make rational choices.'
Forget the former things.
LET IT GO!
if the person you love left you, don't be sad. if most of the people you loved left you in the end don't be sad. instead be happy, be glad that they came your way and became a part your life. be happy for the good times you had with them, be glad that you met them, be happy that "you and him/her" happened. each person you've been with is a chance to be better the next time around.
"loving is acceptance. dont try to change the person you love. accept them for who they are because im sure they have accepted you for who you are... "

Rain on me...

2006-02-16T19:28:00.000-08:00

I've been drowning in my own tears
Wasting time running from my fears
When all the while you've been right here
Waiting on me...
If I'd have told you what I'm going through
You would have let me know just what to do
And now I know the answer lies in you
This is my pain 'cause ...

I've been hurt so bad
Sometimes it makes me sad
Would you rain on me?
I don't understand
This was not my plan
Would you rain on me?
Don't stop the rain ...

Sometimes I felt all alone
Nothing or no one to call my own
But you're the only one that would be Faithful forevermore
Deep down inside my soul
You're the only one who really knows
What I need to make me whole
So I can smile again...

I've been hurt so bad
Sometimes it makes me sad
Would you rain on me?
I don't understand
This was not my plan
Would you rain on me?
Don't stop the rain ...
Rain on me, show me love I'm waiting on you
Yes, I know sometimes it's rough
Tell me what to do
Rain on me, show me love I'm waiting on you
You said that I could trust in you
That's what I'm going to do...

Random Thoughts...

2006-02-09T01:25:00.000-08:00

Stuck inside a 3hour class... GO FIGURE!

1. Isa and I just finished a jar of NUTELLA! (welcome back fatass!)...talk about B-A-B-O-Y-S! We just kept on dipping our fingers while reminscing our Lago days, when we had our own jars to finish...whoops! the jar is empty! haha now my stomach is twirling....

2. I wanna live with Willy Wonka in the Chocolate Factory and just finish all his chocolates!!!

3. If only the means of transpo nowadays were surfboards and wakeboards...I think that would be THA life! way cool! haha

4. What if Isa was a guy? I think we'd be a hot couple! haha

5. Okay now Isa just screamed loud in class "Mons, let's get pregnant sabay!It'll be cool!" hahaha

6. What if i had JLO's body but Inday Garutay's face? won't i be the hottest chick ever? haha

7. I cant wait to skydive! If i die..at least it will be a cool way people would remember me! haha

8. I cant stop laughing...is it possible to laugh without smiling? hmmm...

9. try licking your elbows...its a healthy excercise! haha

10. I wanna try going to school in a backbend walk..it is possible! just gotta flex more! haha

okay...now who's the retard? i am! haha...this year is just starting right...i',m so hyped! must be the NUTELLA! willy wonka, here i come! hahahaha peace!

Reason for Breathing...

2006-02-04T10:57:00.000-08:00

MORENO-NAVARRO FAMILY:

Last night, while doing my work for thesis. I took time to reflect on how greatful I am to have my family. There's no perfect family. My family has been through a lot yet despite everything, we manage to stay intact. I love my family so much. As i write my entry tonight, i recall how much laughters and tears we all shared as we grew up.

My eldest sister Joey, is now a doctor and happily married with a surgeon. Now i have my first niece, bea who most people say looks exactly like me. Funny how bea calls me her best friend and how most strangers think I'm her mother.

My other sister Ramona just got married (civil as of the moment) last weekend to her one and only boyfriend. I havent seen her since I was 19 i think. She migrated to California to work there. Quite sad but Im assured that she's in good hands coz the whole MORENO (Mom's side) lives there. Just like our family, my mom had 4 sisters and one brother...

Hmmm....what's it like to have a fraternal twin brother to have 4 sisters and one boy in the family? ibang klase!

My chubby yet adorable sister Dixie. Love those amazing eyes of hers! =) She's based in UK now with my parents and Kasey. Excelling in her studies and pimping me out with European Men. haha! Can't believe she's 17! My gawd! time flies so fast! I still remember how i had to take care of her when she was still a baby. How my mom had to assign me with taking care of the kids since joey was in med school and ramona was in college.

Kasey, my youngest and bravest sister. I remember how she'd bully me till i get so pissed. She used to make dixie cry before and my parents would just laugh. She got my mom's personality. Very strong and independent. I remember how she'd wait for me outside my classroom in HS and how all my batchmates found her so cute.Tina baron even calls her chocolate mallows. haha. Now she's based in UK as well with my Parents and Dixie. A teenager already. Just remembered how my dad told us the story that they caught Kasey clubbing in UK when her permission was to go sleep over her friends place. hahaha! we all couldn't stop laughing. She's all grown up now....

My fraternal twin brother, Michael. I love my one and only brother so much. Ive been through a lot with him. I remember how he and my dad would play futball together. How everybody knows him as the "Futball STAR player" or "THE BULL" ever since he was 4 years old. He's been all over Europe and Asia playing..representing the country. Every weekend for 15 years straight, he's always appear in the newspaper. He was even recruited for a team in UK.How almost all the other players either envy him for ALWAYS geeting the MVP award for all festivals and getting sponsored by people. He even got to do a commercial for MILO! How people would always approach me and ask me if we really are twins coz we really don't look alike...except for our eyes.. I remember how even other parents would watch and cheer for him so loud in festivals and how my mom would end up crying and screaming "that's my son!" out in the field! All our petty quarrels when we were small. How we'd play futball with my dad, dixie and kasey and he always wins. His room very much reminds me of his worth. More than 20 MVP trophies displayed. His ceiling his filled with medals from all futball festivals/games. Others are even framed already. More than 500 medals. Im really proud of him. I remember how i'd get so pissed when id watch his games and i hear the other players talk about how their gonna guard my brother so he couldn't score. It made me feel good but annoyed coz i hate seeing my brother hurt. I played futball coz watching my brother play and build his name inspired me so much. My brother sings really well too. He was always asked to perform for Southridge,Zobel and Manresa School events. He has the voice of a black guy which even I am so proud of when i hear him sing. You know how Keith Martin or Joe or how Boyz to Men sound like? ....well he even sounds better. Aside from his humble heart, his skills in futball and his amazing voice is how he is able to make girls fall in love with him. When i say girls, i meant PRETTY ones! Good taste! Runs in the family. My brother has been through a lot and im proud that despite everything, all the joy and tears that he gave the family, i know he's grown into a much stronger and better person.

my lola, solita. she's actually my aunt. My real lola passed away when i was 2. They were all girls as well. Growing up with Spanish as the language spoken at home, we all eventually learned how to speak. It kinda stopped after my sister Ramona. But we eventually learned a little. I understand more than i could speak. That's why its funny that during meals when the older ones would talk in spanish they think that i don't understand but i do. They just get suprised that i end up sharing the same emotion with them whether laughing or frustration. MY lola is the best! She's an angel for me. Words arent enough on how proud i am to have her but she has the biggest heart ever! Im very much glad to have her. She's like my 2nd mom.

my mom, cynthia. A very strong and hardworking mother of 6 kids. 5 girls and one boy. A very pretty and loving person. Now i know where i got my skin color and my ass and the structure of my face. I love my mom so much. I remember how strict she was with all of us before. How she and my dad would argue coz my dad was always on our side. Of course, all girls and one boy...my mom inspires me so much. beacuse of her i learned to fight for myself and to love my family and friends no matter what happens. To be optimistic in life and never give up. there was one point in my life when i thought i'd lost her at an eraly age, when she had cancer. im glad that she's okay till now even if she didnt finish chemotherapy. This stage changed my mom so much that i too was suprised. I even loved her more. My mom's a fighter. She stands up for what she think is right and she'd do anything for the family. She's my unsung hero. Miss her so bad. Wish she was here in the country. I get strength and courage from her. Needed that for the past years.

my dad, victor. I miss my dad! He always makes me laugh. How he'd just make me laugh when im crying. He'd hug me so tight and shower me with kisses. He always tells me how beautiful and talented i am and how he's so proud that im his prettiest daughter. I remember how i'd see him in their room praying and praying. How he'd bless our rooms with Holy Water then fart before leaving. How i'd use the last shirt he used as pillow case whenever he'd leave for Gothia Cup yearly. How he'd make those silly faces to make my mom and the rest of us laugh whenever my mom would argue with him. How patient and hardworking he is. I know i got my calmness from him. My dad doesnt talk much. He's soft spoken like me. He loves watching movies and sports just like me. I got my dad's babyface and eyes..oh my forehead as well! hahaha..i miss my dad's warmth. He's the only guy i know wouldn't hurt me and be ashamed of me
just like some of the guys that has entered and left my life.

My family: I wouldn't be suprised if my kids in the future would be all girls! It runs in the family. My mom has 4 tisay sisters, my dad has a tisay sister. My lola solita are all tisay girls (3). My cousins from both MORENO and NAVARRO clan are mostly girls. My first niece is a girl! talk about! haha.. Im proud though that because of the mixture of the Filipino-Spanish blood, all are good looking. I at least know where i got my "tisay" features. Im proud to have my family. Its one thing i know i wouldnt survive with. they're my reason for breathing!

It's through hard times when you get to know who your real friends are....

2006-02-01T19:40:00.000-08:00

To Isa...Mons sings: "Sunshine through my window, that's what you are, my shining star! Makin me feel I'm on top of the world..telling me i'd go far"....i woke up today thinking of you....i'll be here for you! hold your head up high dear! you'll get through this..i'll be with you! remember what your worth...no regrets dear...only lessons learned!=)

Still Searching...

2006-01-31T21:59:00.000-08:00

So here I am again...Woke up quite early today...I woke up at around 7AM and found myself crying. For the past few days i have either been waking up in the middle of the night or early morning, crying...I know why but I refuse to admit it. More of running away from it in the meantime. What my mind dictates is different from what my heart says...It's been a year since I was left wounded. I guess this is the reason why I've been waking up, crying. A deep wound was left unhealed and now has gone way deeper. I know I am okay. Well, at least i will be, in time...I always keep that in mind. With that in mind, I am able to breathe slowly and accomplish the things piled up for me for the day. But how long will I pretend that I'm at peace? Why are promises made when their meant to be broken in the end? I would want to heal. Sometimes I want to get so angry, use hatred to move on but i know i can't and won't. It's not me. I know that i should be the better person.... I may be very busy with school and my extra curricular activities but I'm hurting terribly inside. Funny how smiles and laughters could cover up for what our real conditions are. This explains why tears are more sincere than smiles. ..

Hay! I hate this! grrr....karma exists!

So now, as I wait for my niece to wake up and make me laugh, I'll continue with this entry...

some random realizations I wanna share to whoever may be reading this...

"Your life is like a train. Your friends are like the passengers on the train.They get on and off at different stops..However they are there to teach you something, to show you something.To make you see the world with diffferent things.To let you feel the things that you won’t even dream of feeling.When their time is up, they get off the stops.New passengers then come in.Just remember the good memories that are there. In that case, you won’t be as angry as you are now. Life is just too short to be angry with so many things.."

1. You are trapped in the “loop” of life with repetitive events…you can CHOOSE to get out of the loop and live with sincere people.

2. Sometimes the sign that the friendship is getting closer is how much fault you can find in them. the better u know then, the more there is to like and dislike.

3. What matters is that at the end of the day, you had a friend in that person and you were that person’s friend. Who knows? Maybe on the other side of the coin, you were a great friend - it was just that he/she had problems… It can be anything and everything. At this point in time, if you feel that it is too difficult to talk to him/her (or that he/she won’t listen) why bother? Let go and cherish/build other/new friendships. Sometimes those can be better than what you just ‘lost’.

4. Karma does exists! It's a bitch when it get back at you.

5. Only true friends will stick by you through thick and thin, no matter what happens.

6. I believe some people change, and most of them change for a reason. New found friends, change of environment, even problems within themselves or it could be anything. Whatever the reason your friend has backstabbed/trashed you, I don’t know. But if I were in your shoes, I’d find out why.

7. Sometimes it’s no use crying over spilled milk if you didn’t know the truth (and I maybe wrong here). I for one would want to know what happened and then decide whether I will forget, despite having already to forgive them. Personally, I may be not the greatest friend in the world but I try my very best. Like you said, no one is perfect in this world, if all of us were where will all the beauty of friendship lie?

8. I do agree that betrayal is something that shouldn’t be taken lightly however shouldn’t everyone be give at least a 2nd chance? Afterall, we are all human and we all make mistake (delibrately or not). Just try to have a heart to heart talk with your friend.

9. Somehow we do live in regrets. Not all the time but it does happen. After all, we are still human and we aren’t perfect and no one is. We will only live in regrets when we know that we made a mistake in life and that we cannot erase that because there is no way of turning back the time

10. Perhaps an ending, perhaps a beginning. But when it is a master plan of destruction, finding the way out is difficult. Multi-faceted in its destruction, the path back is one you climb, eyes open, seeimg the things you never saw on the way down. Trauma gives us vision. Searching for answers, a path to happiness, surcease from sorrow. Lessons learned can be frightful, but we find the strength and we learn to go on.

MEMORABLE SURFING TRIPS!

2006-01-31T19:06:00.000-08:00

OFF WE GO!!!

On our way to La Union. This was last December. Whenever Isa and I feel shitty, our best remedy for our souls...OUT OF TOWN! Wakeboarding, Surfing...name it.. off we go! We went surfing this time...Miss LAGO days but for a change this time... 230AM departure from Manila...
We arrived at around 4am in Surf Camp! Check in was at 8. We ended up sleeping inside the car, freezing. We woke up with the soun d od the waves. We ran to get our boards and leave for Baktontan.
ARRIVAL IN BAKNOTAN
So the sun was up...Extensive heat that day.......but it was all good. waves weren't that great but i was able to catch some...i was paddling my way...to my suprise! i saw "RE" hahaha..."RETARD ALMUHNDZ"... my day became even better! i was with two of my energizer buddies!

Hmmm..i very much enjoyed this trip! Thanks to isa and michelle for making it fun...you guys are the best retards i ever had! hahahaha
Here's what happens when we get together and bond:
<----- I think we were tooSTOKED that's why we ended up posing as Marlon's ANGELS! hahaha

2006-01-31T18:49:00.000-08:00

caught in the act. isa and i were helping nina shoot her thesis. we were part of the cast! haha...some nice picture Jesus took while it was lunch break. born to be artists...

2006-01-31T18:47:00.000-08:00

this was on our way home from la union. We rode home with the photographers. long but relaxing trip. check out how red we were! hehe

2006-01-25T19:11:00.000-08:00

Another day! hay! i woke up early today, like 8AM to supposedly shoot Rafa for my thesis. I ran to Jerome's and Tin's house to do stuff then head to BAILA to bellydance but it all got cancelled coz Lala had to bring Eneka to the hospital. So here i am, facing the monitor once again! nothing to do but upload pictures and email people.
I had a blast last weekend. I went to La Union again to SURF! wohoo!!! first time to join the surf competition. I'm proud though i ranked 4th on my heat. It was a good experience! Who would have thought that after a year i could actually catch a lot of good waves! =) Signing up the registration form, hearing my name being announced a lot of times, wearing the rash guards for the comp! I felt like i was in the scene of BLUECRUSH man! haha...Well, I met a lot of people, gained new friends! There were people fromall over: Australia, America, Germany, France, and the UNITED STATES OF ALABANG (According to Joncy! haha) I was with my partnahNcrime, Isabella....of course! something had to happen to us right!? Adventure again!=)But overall, i had a blast! thanks to Isa,Nina,Jesus, & Aisrael. To the other surfes as well,thanks!=)
Neway, im back to reality! back in Manila, back to civilazation and back to stressfull yet exciting life!=) Im very busy with my thesis now and preparing for our bellydance competition! Im excited but i know its gonna be a lot of work! ...hmm..neways, what else is knew? I'm a lot better now! A lot of things have changed and Im very much proud of it! Thanks to the people who inspires me most of the time=) Gotta hold my head up high! Nothin' nor nobody could ever treat me like shit anymore!=) Had enough!....neways, gotta cut this short! im bored...

One day at a time...

2006-01-16T20:16:00.000-08:00

I'm searching for a day of simple life.
I'm on the clouds, the sky is blue.
Watch the stars falling around at night
My dream, your dream, dreams come true.
Try and hide...
Always follow what's in your heart
Always listen to what's inside
Always fly high... And don't come down
Push yourself over the limit
Push your mind I had with your spirit
Push it well You never well thought you could alright
And never come down ....And never come down.
You ran away from very stressing life
And take some time to think of you
Try to change the colour of your life
My dream, your dream, dreams come true
Try and hide
Always follow what's in your heart
Always listen to what's inside
Always fly high And don't come down
And don't come down
Push yourself over the limit
Push your mind I had with your spirit
Push it well You never well thought you could alright
And never come down...

Reflections

2006-01-10T19:12:00.000-08:00

I finally found time to write again. Time flies so fast. Another year is over. A new year has begun. As I look back and reflect on the past year, I must say that a lot of tears were wasted. It was a bad year for me. Much has happened and from all those events, I’ve become much stronger. Lessons were learned and I believe that I’ve matured even more.

I’m at the end of the line already. Just a few more months and I’m done with school. The past 2 terms has been tight. A lot of work but I somehow appreciated it since it made me busy. It helped me get my mind off things that were bothering me.

What have I been up to lately? Well, I’m currently working on my thesis. An individual project! I have to come up with a documentary film on belly dancing for pregnant women. Quite interesting isn’t it? I’m also helping my friend Nina on her thesis, which is about women surfers! I’m part of the cast so when I find the time and when I have enough money, I surf and help her shoot in La Union. I’ve been having gigs and training for belly dance with my co dancers. We have this big competition coming up early this year and so we have to be back in shape and practice our moves. Gotta get back to shape! I’ve been quite lazy exercising which is why I gained weight! Shit! But I’ve been dancing, boxing, wakeboarding, surfing and playing soccer lately. I hope I already am losing weight! Haha!

Year 2006 has begun. I promised myself that this year I would be more careful to whom I give my trust to. History does repeat itself when you least expect it. I only realized it like after a couple of months. I have been betrayed by people whom I thought wouldn’t. Sad but true. Wounds of the past are now open once again. It’s not fully healed yet and now it’s gone deeper. Emotions that takes me a while to deal with. They say anger helps you move on. That when you hate someone so much it will help you heal the wounds that he/she gave you. I’m quite not sure if that is the right way to move on but maybe it’s going to help me.

I don’t bail out on friends! Every relationship I have with someone is different and special. I don’t give up on someone easily. A lot has witnessed that. It’s in my personality to run an extra mile just to save something special to me. Some may find it stupid, but I was raised that way. I’m thankful that I was. One thing that my parents taught me is to treat others just the way you like to be treated. To love unconditionally despite the things that may have been said and done.

I tried so hard. I know I did. I don’t mind looking stupid as long as I know I did my best. I don’t want any regrets in my life. Each bittersweet moment teaches me things that mold me into becoming a better person. One thing that I also learned last year, people with so much pride are impossible to deal with. I guess that’s their ego. I witnessed and experienced that myself. There were many sleepless nights for me. Often times I’d ask God why I’m carrying so much burdens and why the people who’s suppose to be the one suffering seems to be getting the best of both worlds. My questions aren’t answered yet but I know it will. Karma does exist in this world.
I know God loves me so much that’s why he’s making me suffer. I’ve been betrayed, stepped on, used but I’m not angry. There’s no hatred in my heart for anyone. My dad always tells me to be the better person whenever someone hurts me. The person might not appreciate it but God does… As I recall everything that has happened, I’m now realizing how strong I’ve become.

I celebrated my 22nd birthday last Jan 3. On that night I remember tearing…not crying but tearing….All efforts were gone to waste. Walked away. I was so angry that I ended up tearing… It sucks to not be appreciated. For some to be stupid and not see your worth. Actually, they will…but when it’s too late. I had a celebration at Tin’s house on the night of the 4th. They say that the people who remember you on your birthday and the ones who find a way to be present on your special day are the ones that will stay coz they’re real. I always believed in that…after that night, I realized who the real ones were and the ones who are only there for fun. I promised myself that after realizing whom my real friends were, I will only be there for those who sees my worth and appreciates me.

I know my mistakes and admit when I’m wrong. When I apologize and ask for forgiveness, I know I’m sincere. Asking for forgiveness isn’t that easy but I still give it. The only way to heal is through forgiving because through forgiveness can one be able to heal.

It’s another year to look forward to. I’m hoping it would be a better one for me. I may have lost friendships, which weren’t necessary, but at least I know that I have always been the better person. I know how painful it was for me and how hard I’ve tried. No regrets! Life’s too short to hold any grudges on anyone. Every smile and laughter I share with the people around me reminds me of my worth.

Sometimes it takes a lot of tears for one to realize her worth. A lot of patience and understanding to be able to continue standing even when you’re being stepped on. I had to learn things the hard way. People had to take advantage of my innocence. I had to be betrayed...

I am more than what you see physically. My life may not be perfect but I know where I stand. What to believe in, where to belong, what to do with my life…. I know that people judge me for what I wear, what I have and don’t have, what I say or even what I do. It’s a fact that in this life where people make things complicated, they will never stop talking. I know what’s right from wrong. With everything that I’ve been through, I’m happy for becoming who I am right now. I know I’m not doing anything wrong, I’m not hurting anybody and I’m doing the things that I love. My real friends know that…they know my worth. I know I have a good heart and I am a good person. I know I’m a good daughter to my parents and to God, I’m a good sister and a real friend and person to my friends and the people around me. I know God loves me…he’ll make me survive and I know I will.

As I end this entry, I wish that YOU! Whoever you are reading this entry would realize my worth in your life…and that when you do realize, reflect on yours. I’m sure that I made you smile, you wouldn’t be reading my journal if I didn’t. You are special….
enough has been said ….Signing off now…zzzzZZZzzz

WHAT I'VE BEEN UP TO LATELY...

2005-12-24T00:01:00.000-08:00

One of the best shots my friend nina took of me.! That's my longest ride for the day! Whopee! So Stoked!=)

2005-12-23T23:59:00.000-08:00

gone surfin! That's me with a short board=)

2005-12-23T23:47:00.000-08:00

this made our night! haha! howdy girls!

When boredom strikes...

2005-11-30T00:22:00.000-08:00

12 REALLY random things about me:
1. Adventurous! I just love the excitement!
2. I am very flexible! (ooh yeah! haha!) I love dancing! I breakdance, bellydance, and i love hiphop dancin'
3. I cook really well. Main dish, deserts, anything and everything!
4. My butt is just really perky! haha! thanks to the Moreno genes!
5. I have a fraternal twin brother who's a superstar football player & sings really really well.
6. The "female" genes in our family is really strong! Which is why I wont be suprised if all my kids in the future will be all girls...hot ones! haha
7. I love spicy foods!
8. I surf and wakeboard frequently.
9. I value my family, friends, and God so much.
10. I over excercise when i'm depress. I can dance 12 hours straight without eating....
11. I have the longest and thickest eyelashes
12. What you see is what you get. Im REAL.
10 ways to win my heart:
1. Bring me to paradise...What's paradise? You'll know if you take the risk of loving me =p
2. look into my eyes when you talk to me
3. listen to me, hear me out.
4. smile often
5. great sense of humor
6. God-fearing
7. adventurous!
8. thoughtfulness
9. affectionate
10. being real
8 things I carry (and wear) everyday:
1. cellphone
2. digital camera
3. ipod
4. watch
5. wallet
6. perfume
7. make-up kit
8. A SMILE on my face!
7 things that annoy me:
1. stalkers
2. people who don't keep their word....
3. people who judge others...backstabbers
4. people who shout
5. heavy metal sounds
6. people who doesnt see and appreciate my worth
7. getting stuck in traffic
5 things i love to eat:
1. japanes food!
2. paotsin! (crab wanton!)
3. chocolates! (samba & cadbury!)
4. salads!
5. spicy food!
4 things I'm afraid of:
1. death of a loved one
2. being possessed
3. being sliced into half by a surfboard when i catch some waves
4. not being successful in life
3 things I do everyday:
1. smile, make others smile...
2. excercise
3. shower
2 things I'm trying to do now:
1. my new layout for my website
2. finish my schoolwork (not workin! hahaha!)
1 person I want to see now:
1. My family! =)

BELLYDANCE GIG LAST NOV. 19

2005-11-24T14:04:00.000-08:00

Before the Performance. Tin n I at Derik Ramsey's House. Some Mediterrenean Party. Good food. Good Crowd.Good Night! Can't believe we actually taught for 2 hours straight of Instructional Belly Dance! Talk about AB-Work Out! =p

2005-11-24T14:03:00.000-08:00

hahaha! this is just one funny picture! tin and i were teaching Men to bellydance. Wats so cool was they were all game for it. Even Derik's Guy Friends....

2005-11-24T14:02:00.000-08:00

Entertainers as well...haha! Randy, Natala * Derik...must be the alcohol =p

I'm Walking Away...

2005-11-16T11:13:00.000-08:00

Sometimes some people get me wrong, when it's something I've said or done.
Sometimes you feel there is no fun, that's why you turn and run
but now I truly realise, some people don't wanna compromise.
I saw them with my own eyes spreading those lies.
Well I don't wanna live my life, too many sleepless nights, not mentioning the fights.
I'm sorry but I'm walking away...
From the troubles in my life, I'm walking away, to find a better day
I'm so tired...
Things you're doing, you're driving me away.
I thought you'd realise, I'm not like the other girls
Cos I saw them with my own eyes, you should've been more wise ...
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away...
To find a better day....

2005-11-16T00:49:00.000-08:00

testing....check out my multiply account! was finally able to figure out how it works! hahaha!

2005-11-15T23:12:00.000-08:00

testing...

Reflections of a Gypsy...

2005-11-09T21:38:00.000-08:00

Did you know that tears can sometimes be more special than smiles? For smiles can be given to anyone but tears are only shed for people we don't wanna lose?

Somebody hurt me, and I cannot forget it. I did not deserve the hurt. It went deep, deep enough to lodge itself in my memory. And it keeps on hurting me now...but I know I'm not alone.We all muddle our way through a world where even well-meaning people hurt each other. When we invest ourselves in deep personal relationships, we open our souls to the wounds of another's disloyalty or betrayal.

There are some hurts that I can ignore, but some pains do not wash out easily...We've all wished at one time or another that we could reach back to a painful moment and cut it out of our lives. I never hold grudges. I believe that the only way to stop the inexorable stream of painful memories is through forgiveness...

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. It seems almost unnatural. Our sense of fairness tells us people should pay for the worry they do, but for me, forgiving I guess is love's power to break nature's rule.

My hurt brought me into this stage of forgiving. I had to make a decision: Did I want to be healed, or did I want to go on suffering from an unfair hurt lodged in my memory?

All of us are always pushed into this crucial stage when we feel that somebody has hurt us deeply. The question is, will we let our pain hang on to our hearts where it will eat away our joy or will we use forgiveness to heal the hurt that we didn't deserve in the first place?

I often hurt most when I feel the pains of the people I love. Sometimes I deny the pain I really feel. It just hurts too much to acknowledge it. Sometimes it scares me. Others deny their pain not out of fear but out of sheer PRIDE.

Healing happens when one feels the pain and forgives the person who opened the wound.
This year has been quite tough for me....so much that I can actually write so many things here in my blog...

Honestly, I'm very much hurt.
but I HAVE to start healing my wounds before its too late...

In the Mean Time...

2005-11-06T09:00:00.000-08:00

In the mean time, I get to deal with all the pieces of my experience that I do not like, but am willing to understand. Every step or mistep I have ever taken has led to this moment...

Yes! I have been confused, angry, disappointed, frustrated about some things that has happened in my life; some people who I thought were REAL but then left me deeply scarred once again. I'm stuck in a mess that I somehow am responsible for....NO! actually, I was a victim. I was robbed emotionally...

With all that has happened, I've realized so many things. I guess its true that we always learn knew things from our experiences, that we write the story of our own lives, that there are really selfish people out there who only think of what's good for them; getting what they want and afterwhich, runaway from it...just like a thief.
That's what I'm still trying to understand as of the moment. Why do others choose to runaway from the mess they've created and got themselves into? To runaway is to never have time to deal with something you know you must eventually deal with. To see something, know what it is, and ask someone else for an opinion. When the opinion is different from what you know that you know, you accept it anyway, when the opinion is the same as what you know that you know, you ask someone else. Why do some choose to hide from the mess anyway?

Yes! I was in the first floor for the past 8 months. It was such a frustrating place of my life. It was a place where I was aware something was whacked! Could it be me? ...No, it wasn't!
I was stuck in this place where even if I knew what was really going on, i had no more strength, courage or presence of mind to know what to do about it...in other words, I was in a place of tiredness, confusion, frustration, and anxiety....still am actually but am slowly healing myself. It's very difficult to heal most especially when you yourself have to find closure and answers to questions and situations that someone else is responsible of giving. The true colors of as person really shows as time passes by, how he/she deals with things and how he/she is towards the situation and the people.

It's about time to clean out the betrayals in my life...
I thought it was worth it...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

2005-11-01T01:20:00.000-08:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! I went as a Playboy Bunny! Sexy Isa grabs my ass on this pic =p

2005-10-31T13:33:00.000-08:00

at tins house with my niece bea as "princess belle" from beauty n d beast

2005-10-31T13:26:00.000-08:00

Start the night! With joyce and tin. joyce as umm..."Just Joyce" hehe and tin as Roxy Hart of Chicago but was recognized by other people as either Madonna & Christina Aguilera

Punky's Birthday

2005-10-31T12:30:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to Punx!=) Usual lunch at her house on the 31st of Oct. Just before we all dress up and celebrate Halloween as well.

on the pic: me, mars, isa, tin, meghs, twins, tina, joyce, louise n baby nuela

ALL DRAWN OUT

2005-10-28T02:58:00.000-07:00

we need to recognize what used to be good, because if we don't, we won't realize it's worth even if it hits us between the eyes...

when we collide we lose ourselves, when we collide we break in two

and as we push and shove and we hurt the ones we love

it's a whole mistake, when we collide...

when we collide....

we break!

---monica---

ISA'S BIRTHDAY BASH

2005-10-23T02:06:00.000-07:00

circlebooba reunited. my gurls at isa's bday celebration.
not present: tin, joyce, loys, meghs, jols,tinnie,carla. had a great time. nice to see all of you! =)

BAL MASQUE

2005-10-21T19:41:00.000-07:00

A Fashion Show and Exhibit of artist Miguel Castro and well known fashion designers (rene salud, fanny serrano, etc.) Event was organized by Talent Manager Bibsy Carballo and Actress Alma Moreno. Hosted by Jackie Lou Blanco... This is My favorite mask!

2005-10-21T19:39:00.000-07:00

Im wearing one of his masks! coolness!

2005-10-21T19:38:00.000-07:00

The artist Miguel Castro who created all the masks. It was actually his exhibit. He created all the masks for one month. Very talented! the loved masks! Good Job!

2005-10-21T19:36:00.000-07:00

the staege where i danced! very nice production design!

Dazed....

2005-10-19T12:08:00.000-07:00

I'm Dying...
Dying to wake up without you, without you in my head again.
I'm Dying...
Dying to forget about you, that you ever lived...
There's a shade come over this heart that's coping with laying down to rest
I'm Dying to live without you again.
I'm Dying...
Dying to find a distraction, get you away from me.
I'm Dying...
Dying to reach a conclusion, so that the world can see...

It's a strange emotion
but there's still hope in this
As long as there's a breath...
I'm Dying but I can live without you in it...

MEGHS' BIRTHDAY BASH

2005-10-09T20:10:00.000-07:00

Meghann's birthday bash last October 8. My best friend turns 21...21 years of friendship as well...damn! time flies so fast! next thing i know, we'll be running to each other coz of our kids..haha! night was great! HAPPY BDAY DEAR! mwuah!

GONE SURFING!

2005-10-09T15:59:00.000-07:00

Gone Surfing! After months of waiting, was finally able to ride the waves once again! I swear, I was so stoked. Was able to catch 4 waves, first 2 waves were great....the 3rd was a short ride and my last one...was wiped out! hehe....

BELLYDANCERS NIGHT OUT

2005-10-09T15:50:00.000-07:00

Night out with the bellydance group plus Rafa n Jayvee. We went to Trance Bar in Greenhills, all expnses paid by Mayor Jayvee Ejercito. One hell of a night! When the drinks are free...TAKE ADVANTAGE! haha Cheers guys!

GIRL FROM THE GUTTER...

2005-10-05T13:22:00.000-07:00

For all the things you said I'd never do
For all the things you said that were untrue
For all the times you made me feel low
Said I'd never make it on my own

Things are lookin' up for me now
It seems like karma's makin' its rounds
It's my turn, I won't be held down...
Karma's gonna visit you too
You gotta pay for the things you put me through
I hope you do, I hope you do

I hope your hell is filled with magazines
And on every page, you see a big picture of me
And under every picture, the caption should read
Not bad for a girl from the gutter like me

For all the times you said "I got yo' back"
For all the times you stabbed me...
For all the times you tried to hurt my pride
For all the pain I held down deep inside

Now it don't make me weak
To help you feel stronger
I know you bitches think
I'm somewhere dyin' inside
Oh yeah, "Poor Mons, she went home"
"She couldn't take it no longer"
But I'm right here, I'm right here
I'm right here...

Things are lookin' up for me now
It seems like karma's makin' its rounds
It's my turn, I won't be held down...
Karma's gonna visit you too
You gotta pay for the things you put me through
I hope you do, I hope you do

I hope your hell is filled with magazines
And on every page, you see a big picture of me
And under every picture, the caption should read
Not bad for a girl from the gutter like me....

turn the pages of my diary...

2005-10-02T16:30:00.000-07:00

If there was nothing that I could say
Turned your back and you just walked away
Leaves me numb inside I think of you...
We moved too fast, but I had no sign
I would try to turn the hands of time
I looked to you for a reason why
What we had passed us by
And as the sun would set you would rise
Fall from the sky into paradise
Is there no light in your heart for me
You've closed your eyes, you no longer see
There were no lies between me and you
You said nothing of what you knew
But there was still something in your eyes
Left me helpless and paralysed
You could give a million reasons
Change the world and change the tides
Could not give me the secrets
Of your heart and of your mind
In the darkness that surrounds me
Now there is no peace of mind
Your careless words undo me
Leave the thought of us behind

If there was nothing that I could say
Turned your back and you just walked away
Leaves me numb inside I think of you
We moved too fast, but I had no sign
I would try to turn the hands of time
I looked to you for a reason why
The love we had passed me by
And as the sun would set you would rise
Fall from the sky into paradise
Is there no light in your heart for me
You've closed your eyes, you no longer see
There were no lies between me and you
You said nothing of what you knew
But there was still something in your eyes
Left me helpless and paralysed....

learning to breathe...

2005-09-05T07:43:00.000-07:00

What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is the way
that I say that I need You
This is the way
That I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You
and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never thought I could fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad
I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You
and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
So this is the way that I say that I need You
This is the way That I say I love You
This is the way That I say I'm Yours
This is the way
This is the way ....

SAHARAH NIGHT

2005-08-20T23:02:00.000-07:00

This picture was taken last Aug 16 at the Hyatt Hotel for the opening night of the SAHARAH NIGHT MEDITERRANEAN FESTIVAL Good show.Good Food.Good Place.Good Experience.Good Night! Had a blast guys!

2nd Belly Dance Performance that Night

2005-08-18T19:27:00.000-07:00

This was before our second dance. Backstage! Good job ladies!

BABY GIRL'S 1st BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION

2005-08-13T10:57:00.000-07:00

Hotmommah punx and baby girl, nuela!

2005-08-13T10:49:00.000-07:00

proud nangnang's of lil nuela (punky's baby). 9 out of 16 were present last aug 6 for the 1st birthday party! happy birthday baby booba!

rainy days...

2005-08-08T04:55:00.000-07:00

I'm awake in the afternoon,I fell asleep in the living room and it's one of those moments when everything is so clear before the truth goes back into hiding. I want to decide 'cause it's worth deciding, to work on finding something more than this fear. It takes so much out of me to pretend, tell me now, tell me how to make amends.

maybe, I need to see the daylight, to leave behind this half-life. Don't you see I'm breaking down. Lately, something here don't feel right, this is just a half-life. Is there really no escape? no escape from time of any kind.

I keep trying to understand, this thing and that thing. I guess I'll let you know when i figure it out but I don't mind a few mysteries, they can stay that way it's fine by me. And you are another mystery i am missing. It takes so much out of me to pretend.

cause lately something here don't feel right, this is just a half-life,without you I am breaking down. wake me, let me see the daylight, save me from this half-life, let me escape from time...

HOT N' TIPSY

2005-08-03T15:02:00.000-07:00

I almost forgot to post this pic! thanks to yen! this was during a belly dance event in Mandarin Hotel last month. The other girls didnt go so it was me lala and yen then the other MILF's who went. It's nice to be young then go out with older people working...you dont hafta pay for anything at all! yen who made me straight 15 glasses of Margarita! Ahem! Dearie, i dont drink anymore but for some reason, you and lala just got me that night! couldn't even dance well but oh well! haha! fun night! thanks guys! see you all soon next week for our gigs for the whole month of august! whohoo!!!!

MAKATI NIGHT!

2005-08-01T19:29:00.000-07:00

Last July 31, 2005....I attended a friend's debut in BF with Ken, AnnaB, Hanna and my twin brother. We didn't stay long though since we kinda felt too old for attending stuff like that...I met up with PG and we went to Greenbelt to meet up with Ton and Mon..We bummed in Segafredo for a while then headed for Absynth. The Yuhico clan was there...I stayed with sina Pat Villar while waiting for my brother and the rest to arrive. The night was fun! Hiphop night with AnnaB and Ken was funny! I swear, dancing just makes my day! =) Above is a pic of me with AnnaB,my brohter and Hanna... Ken(the photographer!) hehe...

with annab,ken,hanna and my twin bro

2005-08-01T19:28:00.000-07:00

BREAK ME

2005-07-23T19:42:00.000-07:00

I will meet you

In some place
Where the light lends itself
To soft repose
I will let you undress me
But I warn you
I have thorns like any rose

You could hurt me
With your bare hands
You could hurt me
Using the sharp end of what you say
But I’m lost to you now
And there’s no amount of reason
That could save me

So break me
Take me
Just let me feel your arms again
Break me
I’ll let you make me
Just let me feel your love again

Feels like being underwater
Now that I’ve let go
And lost control
Water kisses fill my mouth
Water fills my soul

Kiss me once
Well, maybe twice
Oh, it never felt so nice


Just let me feel your love again

STOKED ONCE AGAIN!

2005-07-17T17:18:00.000-07:00

After 3 months, i was able to wakeboard again! i was really excited for this trip! havent gone for so long, the last time was with april and yero people. it was a good day i must say. as usual, the people there (coach, dan, etc) were fooling around with me but its all good, they make me smile...coach said that im getting better and better! wohoo!!! ramps nalang! i can do the ski's,disc, and the wakeboard really well already...coolness! my body is aching now and my face is really red, i look like a lobster but its all good...anything for the love of water!.."sup wakeboardah!"

2005-07-17T17:12:00.000-07:00

with annab and ken, my teammates from school. it was their first time to wakeboard and they loved it. thanks guys! after lago we headed for tagaytay, i think it was in viewpoint where we had dinner....went home na to alabang after

ANC CHANNEL, PHIL. STAR EVENT

2005-07-17T17:00:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday, we had another bellydance gig in Ortigas. Usual 5 performers were there. The event was for a show in ANC, i forgot what it's called but it will be aired tonight (sunday) at ANC channel at 7pm. Good show and good food! Of course, catered by Conti's! The crowd was...uhhh..let's just say, we we're kinda young! hehe! There were 2 old guys hitting on tin and we witnessed it coz we sat on the same table! hahaha..laugh trip...then a japanese photographer was hitting on kaye during the instructional class. hahaha! it was a tiring show but it was all good coz we were payed! call time was at 5pm then show started at 8pm and ended at around 11pm. i was really tired coz i came from school and the nyt before that i was editing 4 videos for my class so no sleep at all....

2005-07-17T16:49:00.000-07:00

now who's tired?! trying to keep myself up the whole night..kain nalang!talk about drained!

COLLIDE

2005-07-12T17:00:00.000-07:00

When I came here there was more.
Now I've come back to destroy,
And I've got nothing left,
And it's a shame what we've become,
When we hurt the ones we love,
And it's a place I can not go,
Anymore.

When we collide we lose ourselves.
When we collide we break in two,
And as we push and we shove and we hurt the ones we love,
It's a hard mistake.
When we collide,
We break.

When the cold comes crashing down,
And the fight lost what it's about.
I could tell that you'd left.
It's a shame what we've become,
When we hurt the ones we love.
It's a place I can not go,
Anymore.

When we collide we lose ourselves.
When we collide we break in two,
And as we push and we shove and we hurt the ones we love,
It's a hard mistake.
When we collide,
When we collide.

It's a hard mistake,
When we collide.

It's a mistake,
When we collide we lose ourselves,
When we collide we break in two,
And as we push and we shove and we hurt the ones we love,
It's a hard mistake,
When we collide,
When we collide.

It's a hard mistake,
When we collide, we break,
We break

FILM FORUM: PINOY BLONDE the Movie!

2005-07-08T16:17:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday, we had a film forum with Director Peque Gallaga in Benilde. Before the forum, we had 4 bands who played for us: HELLBENDER,PINWHEEL,MAYONNAISE & IMAGO. All these bands have at least one of their songs in the movie soundtrack. I was amazed by these bands! All good! Love their songs! I'll be buying a copy for myself! What amazes me more is the fact that most of the band members are from Benilde! The one who scored for the movie, Minco Fabregas is a music prod student from CSB as well. Good Job, Good Job!
Well apparently, I hosted the show with another MMA student-athlete as well, Jan La'o.
How was the entire thing?! Hoping it was all good! haha...It seemed like a long night for me but it was okay, we were given free dinner and stuff such as pins, posters of the movie. I had my poster autographed btw! haha..Yan ang pinoy..hehe..
The forum ended at around 9:30. Great night, new experience for me!

NORTH VS. SOUTH BOYS

2005-07-05T00:51:00.000-07:00

ang north boy, kung gusto ka, liligawan ka!
ang south boy, hindi mo alam, nililigawan ka na pala!

ang north boy, crush siya ng barkada mo.
ang south boy, gustong makatambay ng barkada mo.

ang north boy, liligawan pati nanay mo.
ang south boy, babarkadahin ang nanay mo!

ang north boy, tahimik at polite kapag kasama pamilya mo.
ang south boy, makwento at masigla kapag kasama pamilya mo.

ang north boy, first date nyo sa nakaka-impress na restaurant
ang south boy, first date nyo ay movie then coffee

ang north boy, bongga mag regalo
ang south boy, simple pero meaningful ang ireregalo

ang north boy, sasama sayo at sa barkada mo.
ang south boy, isasama ka sa barkada niya!

wat you think? post a comment in my tagboard!=)

ANOTHER CHAPTER OF MY LIFE IS ABOUT TO END

2005-06-27T19:04:00.000-07:00

I'll be graduating by the end of this school year! thank God! 2 terms left and that's it! bye to la salle and hello to the real world! college was a great experience for me. i'll never forget the days when shaira and i would cut class just to meet up with april or if not just bum around our friend's place or in taft....futball days when i'd get excepted from pe class, and other school days coz of our games out of school...when my team went to Baguio for the women's division and we won champion! we were swimming in mud mahn... i remember, my jersey was white..actually my whole uniform was white but by the end of the game i was as brown as the mud..INCLUDING my face! hahaha..ill never forget that day shaira,april,dino n i were at houseblend and shaira took her pregnancy test there...it was positive but instead of crying, she was so happy and was laughing....of course, the 2 ninangs were there to support them already (april n i)...most of my college days were spent with shaira, isabella n oli.....people actually thought oli n i were together coz everywhere i go, he was with me....when shaira left, i met my other partnerNcrime isa..and above this entry is our picture together...ill never forget this girl! we're each others shadow! everytime we're together (which is almost 24/7) is filled with danger and laughter! hahaha...i cant count how many times we almost got hit by cars wenever she'd drive! hahahaha! my other wakeboarding partner..eating partner..my nutella girlbuddy together with luke...daming mahn! if only i could write down every memory i have with this girl...hahaha...

TO BE CONTINUED

can't sleep...

2005-06-27T03:50:00.000-07:00

biglaan....
nandito, naka ukit parin sa puso ko. nang sabihin mo, wag na lang. nandito nakatatak parin sa isip ko, kung paano mo tinalikuran, ang lahat. kay bilis, bat umalis...nakaka miss...nabigla lang, di ko man lang nalaman na mawawala...nabigla lang..di mo lang man inisip na idahandahan...di ako sanay sa biglaan..unti unti nalang sanang..nawala....hindi pa natin kayang magkunyari, at sabihin..."cge nalang!" hindi pa natin kayang dayaain ang mga yakap sa tuwing lumalamig. O kay bilis...bat umalis? nakakamiss...nabigla lang...di ko man lang nalaman na mawawala...nabigla lang..di mo lang man inisip na idahandahan...di ako sanay sa biglaan..unti unti nalang sanang..nawala....di ako sanay sa biglaan..unti unti nalang sanang...nawala....nabigla lang...o kay bilis..bat umalis......nabigla lang....

WHEN IT ALL FALLS DOWN

2005-06-22T17:30:00.000-07:00

Chillin' at the Herrera's

2005-06-22T12:07:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, we ended up bumming at the Herrera's Res. This night was different for some reason...I ended up having serious conversations with these boys...each of them opened up and to my suprise, i saw a different side of them...the real and serious ones...now i truly understand how people can actually put a smile on their faces despite the fact that something is killing them softly ....this night is something to remember....
neways, aside from the serious talks, we had our laughs as well.! welcome back to nick (herrera's cousin) who treated us beer for the night and his endless black jokes and kinky stories!..and oh! for ur compliments! hahahaha the pics posted, well...the first one is withwest side winder, hu loves copying my pose! hahaha....just kding e! and then the other side...well...checking out hus the fattest?! hahaha...just kding...the nigth was really humid, and so, there they go! haha! not in the picture but was there! *chase/carlo/ninoy/mon*

CHEERS TO THIS NIGHT BOYS!!!

Gypsie's Tent...

2005-06-13T19:10:00.000-07:00

I've always believed in wishing- be it on falling stars,

or the first star I see when I look up,

or on bridges, or on railroads, or on falling leaves-with the faith of a child.

Night after night, as I climb the stairs,

I'd stop at the bottom step, look up, and with the sight of the first star,

close my eyes so very tightly till it hurts....

There's just one wish...

And I cannot say it, still...

because it hasn't come true, yet...

Perhaps, someday,

Time after time...

"RETRO IN THE METRO" BAILA DANCE RECITAL

2005-06-05T10:03:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone who watched our Dance Recital last June 3 at the CCP. To D7G, thanks for for your support! for the flowers, the cheers, and the poster that made my night! u guys are the funniest! THE BEST! love u all!

2005-06-05T09:56:00.000-07:00

BAILA BELLYDANCERS! Good Job ladies! we did great! Sold out tickets and with the applaud that we got from the audience, most especially for the bellydance performances, their money and time was worth it! till next year guys!!!!

2005-06-05T09:53:00.000-07:00

PANALO PICS! haha...these pictures are worth posting! the poster that tin i got from the boys after the show...laugh trip mahn! and my picture with yen...trust me, this pic wasnt planned! panget namin TOH-DOH! haha...now ul understand why pictures are priceless!!hahaha

2005-06-05T09:07:00.000-07:00

with tin (left) was wearing my hiphop outfit while she was wearing her streetjazz attire... to the right is gia, me, n yen!.....*&(@101 mahn! hahaha..posing after our bellyhiphop dance! TOH-DOH! hahaha..gud job guys! the show was a blast!

NIKE EVENT

2005-06-05T08:31:00.000-07:00

NIKE EVENT held last 29-31 at the Heritage Hotel. With my friends Yen, Kaye, Tin, Miguel, and Josh. This event was fun man! payed well and these people just kept on making me laugh! We had to wake up at 6am to make it at 8am (call time) and stayed there the whole day till 5pm...japanes buffet everyday, the delicious blueberry pancakes,pizzas, and our bugaw clown lala hu just made our event more colorful! these days...DA BEST!!! ..."TOH-DOH!" ahahahaha thanks guys!!!! till the next event for NIKE, 3rd week of June!=)

2005-06-05T08:24:00.000-07:00

With My Big D7G Bro Guel at the Nike Event